I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
