She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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