i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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