ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found the puke drawer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
