I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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