I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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