dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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