I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
