The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
