Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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