It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
