I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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