How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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