I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
