I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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