a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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