my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
