I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
