walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
