Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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