I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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