So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
