The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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