when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
