had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
