I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
