he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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