I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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