I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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