Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
