i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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