So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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