I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
