Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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