It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
