my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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