Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
