They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So vagazzling was a success
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
