return my video game
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i've created a new STD.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
