Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
