I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We don't watch enough power rangers
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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