the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
