I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
