WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
