He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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