I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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