Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
