Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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