What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
