know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize