I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im on a boat
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