and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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