idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
