it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize