maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
