he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
