just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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