Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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