woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
