she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
