She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
