I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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