shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
