Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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