That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize