he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
