By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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