Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
