Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
