remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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