When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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