Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
