Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
