did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
