I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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