remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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