She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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