none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize