Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
