Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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