Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
