2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
