Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
