Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
