i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
