i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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