I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
