Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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