He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
