please come you make the beer taste better
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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