Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize