Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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