Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
