So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
