Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
