Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
