One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In America we eat man semen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
