I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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