Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
