HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
