OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
