"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
