i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
